Divorce and Separation Centre

Frequently Asked Questions

One of us wants to separate - the other doesn't.

This happens to many couples and if you allow it, this situation can drag on for years.
Even if the decision is not what you had hoped, it can be a relief to end the uncertainty. A mediator should be able to help you find an acceptable solution to this impasse. If you then decide not to separate, you could see a counsellor together. The mediator or your solicitor will have telephone numbers for you to contact.

We both think we should separate. We don't necessarily want to divorce just now.

If you and your partner have different views on how to separate, you can work out a separation plan with a family mediator. Divorcing and working out a legally binding financial settlement are separate procedures. They can then be made formal with solicitors, if you wish.

I want to get everything sorted soon.

It will take around three to five months if your separation is completed by mediation - but considerably longer if you decide to go to court. It can be legally finalised after the divorce goes through.

You may think you will see each other in court, but this rarely happens. In most cases, a settlement is negotiated out of court. The court can then grant the divorce and the agreed financial settlement without you having to be there. Our advice is to find a family mediator as soon as possible - you will usually need a family solicitor who is willing to work as your independent advisor.

Take it one step at a time. You'll see things more clearly when you understand the steps you need to take to get a divorce or a formal separation.

Is mediation compulsory?

Even if you cannot reach agreement, family mediation may help you to communicate better and better manage areas where you disagree. An agreement reached through family mediation can be made legally binding. From the 6th April 2011, if you still need to go to court for a court order in relevant family proceedings you must include the Form ‘FM1’ (Family Mediation and Assessment Form) issued by an approved family mediation provider - unless your situation fits one of the exceptions set out in the Pre-court action protocol 6th April 2011.

The Form FM1 will say one of the following:

(a) the applicant has attended a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting; or

(b) the applicant has not attended a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting because
(i) the mediator is satisfied that mediation is not suitable because another party to the dispute is unwilling to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting and consider mediation;
(ii) the mediator determines that the case is not suitable for a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting;
(iii) a mediator has made a determination within the previous four months that the case is not suitable for a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting or for mediation.

What happens after mediation?

What happens after mediation depends on whether you have managed to come to an agreement with the other party.
If an agreement is reached during mediation, you and other party can apply to the Court for a consent order. A consent order is a written agreement between the parties. For the consent order to become legally binding it needs to be approved by the court. Once approved by the Court it cannot be changed unless the parties make an application to the Court.

I don't know what I have to do to get a divorce.

There has to be a petition, stating why the marriage has broken down. It makes things a lot easier, cheaper and definitely quicker, if you can both agree on the petition. The Family Court, family solicitor, or a family mediator can tell you about the petition procedure. If you are parents, you will need to work out an acceptable Statement of Arrangements for the children. This explains which parent is to provide the main home and how they are to stay in touch with the other parent. All decisions about finance and property must (a) give priority to your children (b) consider the reasonable needs of everyone in the family and (c) show that you have both made full and open financial disclosure and have decided things equitably. The mediator will help you to do all of this.

I am intimidated by my partner.

When this happens, you may need solicitors to negotiate for you. It may still be possible to use mediation, but only if it can take place without either of you feeling seriously intimidated. To explore this, the mediator will usually see each of you on your own at introductory meetings.